Who Will I Marry: Environment For A Successful Marriage

3.Pastor Bimbo Odukoya.

Who doesn’t know about this phenomenal lady that touched lives but her story is founded on what her husband did in her life. She celebrated him wherever she went as she least knew she’d ever be a preacher in the first place…cos she had thot she’d only be a ‘preacher’s wife’ but he saw beyond that…and helped her grow, mature, deploy her gifts and impact destiny…and she’s left a legend today that left and enviable legacy for posterity.

I can tell you about three well respected American lady preachers ( Puala White, Joyce Meyer and Juanita Bynum) and you’d be glad they married the men that are their husbands cos they had a difficult past of sexual abuse, molestation, brokenness, disappointment etc…and they were bitter and hurting until the men walked into their lives and the rest is history.( A caveat though…Paula White and Juanita Bynum in 2007 had problems in their marriages …)

Please take time and mull over the above and am writing from my heart cos that’s by far the much I could do aside praying along with you….but while you assess and check out the guys that are sending their ‘ memos ‘ to you….have you taken the time and pain to consider what you’d contribute to the man’s life? The truth is…much as you desire the right man, you gotta also be the right woman that fits his life and purpose ; and where there’s a disconnect, friction becomes inevitable and the ultimate purpose of mariage may not be realised afterall. So as you think about your “selfish desires’ also ensure that his own ‘selfish desires’ find their last bus stop in you!…cos it’s a two-edged sword kinda reality for the bible says, ” the two can not work together except they be agreed’ and that is one that can’t be overlooked.
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The Woman that you should be to your man

I became convinced that poetry spilled out from God when I studied Genesis and the verse Adam chanted when he sighted Eve. He had no option than to love her cos she met a nagging void that gnawed and ravaged him…she met and fitted the specs of a hollow part of him that he had need for no other woman in his entire lifetime on earth even after the fall…hence he was at her ‘beck and call’…and if not, do you think he’d have considered her suggestion to eat the forbidden fruit??

I fear and respect women cos they’re the most powerful creatures on earth and anyman who thinks otherwise does so at his own peril. It’s as though God created men and imbued us with so much power and ability, but he locked it up and gave women the access key and the manual for its application. Hence…a woman is the greatest motivator or inhibitor that any man can ever have…the woman has the power of influence over a man and to with, absolute power also corrupts when used to manipulate others !

So I would now outline why God gave you gals such power over men…here we go:

1. Will you be his Helper:
You are to help a man become all that God created him to be….encourage, inspire, admire, praise and nudge him to go all out to fulfill God’s purpose for him. If you are the strong-willed type…will you try to control him, manipulate him or oppress him and make him feel little before you? will you use kind words that build his ego, or those nagging notes and negative vibes that exude from most ladies; would you rather be drawn to sarcasm that will kill his spirit or imbue what you say to him with some pint of flattery even when you know he aint a superstar to be adored???
Will you court the King and Warrior in him or stoke the beast in him….and for sure, men will gravitate towards women that appeal to the king in them and vice versa. Ask King David why he married Abigail and he’d tell you why he loved her cos she spoke to the king in him…he would have killed her hubby but she appealed to the gentleman in David and thots of her never left him such that after the death of her hubby, he went for her…but he loathed Saul’s daughter who yabbed him when he worshipped God unreservedly as the Ark made its long trip to Jerusalem..In a sense, she despised the most important thing he treasured… and his passion for God’s presence!

That partly explains why men who have mistresses hardly let go of them…and if he’s got a mistress, go check his home front and you may find a contentious wife that snubs him when he comes back at night. One that tells him to compare himself with other men who seemingly are better than him both financially and otherwise…and attitudes like this questions his manhood!

And if you as a lady can’t respect or accept ( the wishes, decisions etc) of a man since respect is earned, then be wary of marrying him…this is my own submission and aint sure God told me so …

2. Will he treasure your Company?

Another tough one…but I must tell you that a man can’t resist the company of an amazing and extraordinary woman.I am a victim of this for I realised in my personal life and experience that it takes much for any lady to hold my attention. Not as though am being idealistic but there have been times that I met ladies that swept me off my feet…long before I knew it cos something about their intellect, charm and personality got me reeling in adoration of them. They may not be beauty idols but they just held my attention…and I couldn’t resist their company, and some have remained friends even though we couldn’t marry each other.
One thing is to excite a man with your presence, the other is will you be able to sustain his interest in you…and also deepen his focus on you to the point that he gets hooked and stuck to you for life ? Cos if not, his heart will or may gravitate to another amazing woman still. Can you make the man comfortable to have him not loathe your company? What would he or does he miss about you when distance separates you from him? …and if it’s only something that’s just about your external beauty or amazing anatomy and physiology…then trouble is brewing in the corner. Adam was not alone in the garden but Eve wiped away his feelings of loneliness and met his need for companionship which animals couldn’t meet….

Do you connect with a guy at the level of thoughts, values, interests and stuff? …this speaks of compatibility in some sense but not all about it.
Remember the story of your male friend who married an amazingly pretty babe… he told you how he used to steal a look at her body when they were courting for her beauty ravished him. But months after they got married, his wife realised he didn’t so much cherish her body again…cos she couldn’t meet his desire for companionship and share his intellectual interests. They had little to discuss and remember you telling me that he’d call you late at night so he can have mentally stimulating discussions with you…? Why because…he wasn’t enjoying her company anymore…!

3.Are you his SUITABLE HELP MATE

In development work and programming, we talk about complimentality of projects to ensure effectiveness, synergy and maximization of aid from donor countries. This principle is far more important in marriage….and this is where the battle rages for a woman who’s as visionary and goal-oriented like you. To be an effective helpmate suitable for him, you’re expected to ” adjust, re-adapt and re-align” your goals, aspirations and dreams to be in sync with his visions and purpose in life. If not, two divergently-oriented captains will rock the boat and too many hands will spoil the broth as wise sages wont to say!
My aunt shared her experience with me…strong-willed and self motivated, she realised that for her marriage to work, she had to lay aside her will and submit to my uncle…and he’s loved her wholly cos she doesnt come as a competitor or opponent to him. A wise woman would lay

aside her preferences for his…and the interesting thing is that she wins his heart over by that singular attitude/action and he buys into her own dreams and goals thinking they are his…without his realising it!

Will you leave Canada for Nigeria if Kelly or Emeka can’t join you in Canada? Will you be ‘foolish’ enough like my friend/sister, Nkechi who …laid aside the benefits of her Canadian citizenship and came back to Naija because her hubby’s job wont allow him to relocate to Canada? Sounds foolish but as an in-house person, Herbert, her hubby can ‘kill’ just to ensure that Nkechi is happy. She did her masters in University of Abuja whereas she could have done a better one at Tontonto…so it’s her choice and she doesn’t regret it cos she’s still a Canadian citizen and visits yearly to enjoy the salubrious air of Toronto!

To some, that smacks of foolery but has God not used the foolish things of earth to discomfit our human wisdom and understanding?…she aint foolish cos I have always known her as a wise woman long b4 she left for Canada!
I can’t list all other women that applied this principle cos of space….and finally;

4. Can you Incubate his destiny?

It’s this aspect that most men/women dont know and any woman who understands the concept of “incubation’ would realise her calling in life pretty fast and clear. Why do women have WOMBS? Why do mother hen brood over eggs for as long as 21days without being attracted to cockrels that woo her? What happened to mother hen in the 1st place….a dashing proud cock alighted over her and planted some seed into her…then eggs begin to grow inside her…and when she laid them, she provided warmth consistently till the chicks fully develop…and break out.
That’s why when a man donates or liberally gives a woman his sperm, the woman’s body accepts, multiplies, and gives life to it such that the output becomes a baby after 9 months! It’s like…baggage in, baggage out scenario and that’s why I told you earlier on that a woman’s life reflects the experiences she’d had with men that came into her life at one time or the other…so a woman magnifies what she receives from a man…in an exponential order!

…when a man provides a house, the woman makes a home out of it
…when a man gives a woman stress, she makes him more miserable
…when he doesn’t provide for her, she becomes detestable and difficult
…when he ignores her, she becomes frustrated, naggy and a pain in his neck

Knowing the dynamics of the natural incubation power that God has given to women, it’s therefore important that you study the men in your life, and check cautiously how you react ot respond when they are in your presence. Just like a woman can appeal to the king or beast in a man…ask yourself what the guy elicits or stirs up in you from your encounters with him…does he court the “princess’ in you, or bring out your ‘worst and detestable nature’? Does the sight of him enthuse or detest you? Do you feel great or deflated after the long phone calls with him? Does his honey-coated flattery make your head swell, or is it the truth about what he tells you and sincere his words that scare you about him?

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In closing this epistle, I wish to submit that I do not guarantee you that I have a ‘one solution fits’ all answers to your questions about how to make the choice between Kelly and Emeka. Like you said, one appeals to your emotion, and the other appeals to your logical mind but I would chip in that much as your emotional/logical natures are called to play in resolving issues like this…I would suggest that your logical/emotional preferences be influenced by your spiritual side…the realm where the Holy Spirit interacts with our deepest being.

You know how logical I can be…but God had proven time and again that I can’t figure out issues of destiny with my mental acuity alone…hence I have found reason to believe the instruction that says..;

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART
LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING
IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM
AND HE SHALL DIRECT YOUR PATHS

Have a wonderful weekend and hope God uses these words of mine to minister to your anxious heart…and may His Peace that passes all understanding guard your heart…!

Can’t believe I spent all this time writing all this…To God be praise!

Your big broda,
Felix-Abrahamz