The Righteousness of Adultery and Fornication

The women were in a separate wing of the house, the men gathered around the swimming pool and the billiard table having the time of the lives. The discussions drifted from one topic to another: from politics to military tactics, and from assassination to culture and the movies and sex. Over several glasses of Hennessey, rum and coke, and countless bowls of goat-meat pepper soup, corned-beef laced beans and fried plantains, a Malian told the gathering “I never remember a time I ever strayed. And I also don’t remember a time I ever engaged in sexual perversions. Even when I was single and had mistresses, I waited for one encounter to end before joining issues with another.”

His cousin concurred, adding, “Adultery has never been part of my makeup. Fornication was quite another matter, though.” The rest of the gathering was stunned, but then busted out laughing. Stunned because they thought everybody knew everybody’s secret of short and long-term infidelity: they’ve all been cheating on their girlfriends and spouses. I did not voice my opinion, but instead listened to other Africans, from nine countries, go at it. A Ugandan posited that “no healthy, testosterone-filled man should wait and wait and wait before engaging in sex. Once past nineteen or twenty, no man or woman should wait. As far as adultery goes, I see nothing wrong with it … it spices up ones marriage; but sexual perversions are something else”

I am not sure how to define sexual perversions. That said; one should err on the side of the law, common sense and community standards. There are several acts and practices the typical African, in Africa, will never think of, condone or engage in, i.e. coprophilia, anal intercourse and ass-to-mouth, bondage and discipline (B&D), domination & submission (D&S), or sadomasochism (S&M). In America, as in other parts of the West, Asia, and Latin America, sex and sexuality has a different interpretation and different level of acceptance.

Africans are perhaps the most conservative and prudish when it comes to sex and sexual varieties (because) the African culture, religion and sensibility forbid a lot of practices. Today however, global education, global travels, modernity and globalization have introduced some of these practices into the African home and African consciousness. No one knows what effect — negative or otherwise — these new ways of life will have on the African society. No one knows. What is known is that Africa is a difficult society to penetrate, but once penetration takes place, diffusion and acceptance becomes really easy.

Most Africans, living in and outside of the continent, will never agree to “knowing” or engaging in any of these acts. The most common of all “foreign” sexual practices is homosexuality; yet, less than twenty-five thousand people in a continent of almost a billion people ever admits to being gay or lesbian. Africans would rather admit to being murderers, thieves, and bustards, than admit to being gays. A closer look at the continent indicates there are more than a quarter million gays and lesbians, even if closeted. A sizeable number of Africans living the West are gays and lesbians, and also engage in other lifestyles.

Round and round I have gone; but now back to the issue of fornication and adultery. All the major religions of the world forbid adultery and fornication. But that hasn’t stopped most people from engaging in it. Let me leave fornication to the young, the restless and the uninitiated; to the married and experienced, I say to you: go for it! Go forth and engage in adultery, just follow three rules: (1) use protection; (2) stay away from your familiar circle; and (3) don’t get cut. But if you get caught or if you are under the umbrella of suspicion, deny it. You must deny, deny and deny some more.

Something else: do not leave your matrimonial home (especially if most things are going well for you). Sex is just sex and must be treated as such. Do not leave for the promise of a bigger or more efficient human machine. Don’t let love sway you. Remember that if he/she cheated on someone else, he/she will also cheat on you. But hey, what do you care. Just enjoy it while it last. Adultery in its purest form is bliss. Don’t ruin it with jealousy, carelessness or with your stupidity. Because most Africans understand the glory of adultery, they do not have hang-ups about it. With a wife come other wives and a string of mistresses. By the way: how many women are faithful to the till-death-do-us-part nonsense? Marital vows are silly. What’s wrong with extra marital affairs?

Not all the students engage in it, and in fact the majority doesn’t; but how many people do not know that Nigerian institutions of higher learning are homes to prostitution and sex-for-hire rings? How many people do not know that our state and federal ministries, banks and other financial institutions are filled with men and women looking for or actually engaged in such extra curricular activities? How many people do not know that our so-called pastors, Imams and reverend fathers are sticking it to members of their congregations? Show me a Nigerian pastor that has not tasted the fruit of one or two of his parishioners.

How many ex-Presidents, Ministers and other high ranking public servant does not have a mistress here and there, or who does not have a child outside of marriage? These things — adultery, sex-for-hire, and recreational sex — are not just a Nigerian thing; they are everywhere, from Cape to Cairo and from Gambia to Zanzibar. If you are a born-again Christian or a devout Muslim who do not engage and or condone adultery, that’s fine; but do not condemn those who do. No one is going to be consigned to everlasting fire or to the pit of hell. There is righteousness in adultery.