I am disenchanted.I am perplexed. Am I beside myself? Not really. In my mind, they know not what they do! We may pride ourselves in the fact or opinion that many countries around the world still refer to us as the greatest super power. We may boast of tremendous technological advancement and medical breakthroughs. Heck, we could even indulge in the illusion that this great land of the free and home of the brave truly fosters freedom and equality for all. I have no problem with all of the above. But when it comes to how the younger generation treats some elderly citizens of this so-called God’s country, I must bow my head in shame! Ashamed of being one of them!! Another proud naturalized American!!!
When Marvis Coyle, an 82 –year-old woman began shuffling with her cane across Foothill Boulevard in the San Fernando Valley area of California, she could not make it to the other side before the traffic light turned red. The consequence? A hefty $114 ticket! Violation? Obstruction of traffic! Hmmmmm… what’s wrong with this picture? Could he, {the police officer who slapped her with the fine} have offered some assistance out of compassion, since out of respect was obviously out of the question? Yep. Was it possible to have avoided any obstruction issue in the first place? You betcha! But he didn’t care. It wasn’t his job to be sympathetic. Why should he, be bothered with some frail old lady, who had nothing better to do than to break road rules and complicate his professional routine? Why are most elderly people in America today not treated with the reverence to which they were used to, in times gone by?
A couple of years ago, according to a female acquaintance of mine, an elderly man was driving down one of the busiest streets in Oxford, MS, and suffered a heart attack. He lost control of his car-which crashed into the “plate glass” front of a building. Consequently, he knocked himself out! Fortunately, he survived and no one else was hurt in the process. However, the city cited him with, “Failure to maintain control of a moving vehicle!” “Please tell me how you are supposed to maintain control when you are passed out” she asked.
What really puzzles me is this… how can a nation that would go to any length to feed the poor in other continents or spend millions, if not billions of taxpayers’ money to rescue the oppressed, not give much of a rat’s *ss when it comes to how her elderly citizens are coped with back home? In a culture that glamorizes the young and emphasizes the value of youth, the image of the elderly tends to take the back burner. They are often promoted as feeble and incompetent. Most are frequently shunned or regarded as outcasts; a group of people who are incapable of contributing to the work force of society. “In America, old people are looked upon either as excess baggage or as lepers: Do not touch them or you will contract whatever is inside them that is making them age, and thus you could prematurely catch the dreaded “aging disease, ” writes Tom Plate- a Pacific Perspective columnist-in his online article, “The age on insecurity: The elderly in Asia versus America.” It is commonplace to hear a youngster refer to a senior citizen as “old geezer,” “old fart,” or “crusty.”Is it any wonder that a great number live in nursing homes or retirement communities where they are handled as profit producing products?
After sharing the first draft of this piece with some of my friends, one in particular had this to say. “I worked in a nursing home for years and saw many elderly people who were placed there by families who rarely returned. One poor lady was waiting for a visit from her daughter for eighteen years. One day as I was feeding a frail little lady, whose mind was as infirmed as her body, I wondered what her life had been like. She was once some mother’s baby. She was once someone’s sweetheart. She was once someone’s lover. She had been a wife and mother. It was sad to think that her last days were spent alone, except for strangers. The baby boomers are us. Our time is coming.”
Tom firmly believes that “our older generations and their memories and their ties to family deserve to be preserved for as long (and as well) as possible.” He also leaves his readers with these words of wisdom. “Whenever you get a chance, reach out and touch someone — preferably someone much older. You may be in that spot yourself, someday.”
Last summer, as I was about to walk through the front door of a post office in Coconut Creek- FL, I noticed an elderly lady wobbling right behind me. Perhaps by a few steps or maybe one fourth the distance of a Frisbee throw. I could have quickly slammed the door and kept on walking. After all, I was now an American and the norm is to always look out first for number one! However, something inherent tugged at me. I had to do the right thing. So, I held the door open, waited; then motioned, “after you” with my other hand. By her facial expression, the guess was easy. She was taken aback by my gesture. “Thank you very much!” she said. Her face beamed with pleasure. On my way out, she signaled for me to wait. “You must not be from around here…so, where’s home?” She asked. We chatted. She asked questions. I did most of the talking. I was more than happy to share a bit of my African culture. A way of life that had groomed me and taught me the importance of showing respect for my elders, among other virtues. My “101” crash course about senior citizens in Africa went something like this…
·Traditionally, our older citizens are not lumped together and labeled “the elderly,” like in some western societies. Such classification invokes negative preconceptions.
·Our senior citizens are referred to as “elders,” a term that implies respect and preserves a sense of regard for specific individuals of comparatively advanced years.
·Majority of the elders in many African communities or countries are revered by their relatives, families and have strong opinions in many family and community issues.
·A great number are deemed great sources of wisdom and inspiration.
·Some people believe that in Africa, the older you become, the more you are treasured. Old is Gold.
·It is not uncommon to be rebuked publicly by an older bystander for not showing proper respect to an elderly manor woman.
·Above all, in Africa, back talking to anyone who is much older than you is somewhat of a taboo and frowned at.
She asked if nursing homes in Nigeria are similar in setup to the ones in America. I told her nursing homes were neither common, nor an option for traditional African families. “Most Nigerians, as far as I know tend to live with and care for their aging relatives at home.” I added. As we parted ways, she gave me a hug and whispered, “You have made my day!”
To a great number of westerners, the mere mention of Africa or Africans conjures an image of a bunch of stone-aged villagers running around naked in the jungle. This may very well still hold true in certain geographic areas. I don’t know – it’s been awhile since I watched National Explorer. Nonetheless, Africa is a huge continent. It’s true that many countries clustered within its boundaries are yet to experience the true meaning of civilization, democracy and running water. But, if there’s one thing the African culture taught me, it’s the importance of showing respect for my elders. Big bear on the Disney channel always says, “No matter how different someone is, you can always learn something from them.”As a nation, Americans ought to take a look at the way Africans treat their elderly. And if Japan, whose level of industrialization matches that of the United States, can successfully integrate their elderly citizens into co
mmunity life and maintain a rock steady custom of filial piety, shouldn’t we try? As to why the elderly in America are not currently treated with the reverence to which they were previously used to? Your guess is as good as mine.
6 comments
Very well written.
If I had the power over the money in America, things would be very different here. Course, then I would want the power to control a lot of other things…ooops, sorry, got off the subject!
The Nursing Home companies get billions a year, mostly from the government. The REAL workers, the CNAs should also be the ones getting well paid. They should be over staffed and receive REAL medical care. It could make Nursing homes be Comfort homes.
Benedicta,
Firstly, i applaud you (three cheers). You have finally proven that the there is a height of ignorance never conceived by mankind that is well attainable of which you are leading the charge.
No respect for elderly some elderly in America…
"When Marvis Coyle, an 82 year-old woman began shuffling with her cane across Foothill Boulevard in the San Fernando Valley area of California, she could not make it to the other side before the traffic light turned red. The consequence? A hefty 114 ticket! Violation? Obstruction of traffic! Hmmmmm what's wrong with this picture? Could he, {the police officer who slapped her with the fine} have offered some assistance out of compassion, since out of respect was obviously out of the question? Yep. Was it possible to have avoided any obstruction issue in the first place? You betcha! But he didn't care. It wasn't his job to be sympathetic. Why should he, be bothered with some frail old lady, who had nothing better to do than to break road rules and complicate his professional routine? Why are most elderly people in America today not treated with the reverence to which they were used to, in times gone by?"
With you level of education, am quite certain you are familiar with what is known as the rule of law. In every functioning society, the job of a peace officer is to apply the letter of the law and uphold it without prejudice. It is then up to a judge or jury to apply discretion or determine guilt or lack thereof. Why doesn't it surprise me that you find this calamitous? So you are indeed a Nigerian? I was under the assumption you were a western oyinbo (tongue in cheek).
Ironically – you sight perfect examples of what makes these nations what they are and yours what it is.. Sad isn't it?
What really puzzles me is this… how can a nation that would go to any length to feed the poor in other continents or spend millions, if not billions of taxpayers' money to rescue the oppressed, not give much of a rat's ss when it comes to how her elderly citizens are coped with back home? In a culture that glamorizes the young and emphasizes the value of youth, the image of the elderly tends to take the back burner. They are often promoted as feeble and incompetent. Most are frequently shunned or regarded as outcasts; a group of people who are incapable of contributing to the work force of society.
What part of the country do you reside in Benedicta? Is this a fact that you can support with any statistics or is this one of your self-gratifying conclusion I am now used to you reaching? What happened to Medicaid? Long-term Care Insurance ? Discounts at all levels? Senior Benefits? Find time out of your busy schedule to pay a visit to aoa.gov – start there.
Incapable of contribution? Says who, Benedicta? Allow me, the Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 (ADEA), which protects individuals who are 40 years of age or older; Be informed correctly prior to writing out of boredom, you never know who might read sounds peculiar to one of your quotes.
You referenced your being an American now I would assume you have participated in at least one electoral process in this nation. Did it ever occur to you that the strongest appeal of a majority of these candidates at all levels is geared towards this group of citizens who you so feel the need to go on a crusade for with your essay? Agreed that it could be overwhelming sometimes with all the candidates and their individual campaign commercials but a scholar of your caliber would do well to pick key issues e.g. Medicaid, healthcare reforms.. Dont you think?
However, something inherent tugged at me. I had to do the right thing. So, I held the door open, waited; then motioned, "after you" with my other hand. By her facial expression, the guess was easy. She was taken aback by my gesture. "Thank you very much!" she said. Her face beamed with pleasure. On my way out, she signaled for me to wait. "You must not be from around hereso, where's home?"
Oh Benedicta, We are what we repeatedly do, excellence therefore, is not an act but a habit. Last summer? Jeez.. I beg you, tell us about your recent volunteer trip? Better, When was the last time you drove the senior citizens transport bus in your community? When was the last time, you picked up your acoustic guitar, drove down to a senior citizens housing complex and played one of your well practiced chord progression to a few of them? Leads me right into your crash course 101
Traditionally, our older citizens are not lumped together and labeled "the elderly," like in some western societies. Such classification invokes negative preconceptions.
Agreed, but a vast majority of your elders live in unimaginable squalor and poverty with no access to basic necessity e.g clean drinking water. I think they would clearly opt for the name in exchange for the basics they need to keep them healthy.
Our senior citizens are referred to as "elders," a term that implies respect and preserves a sense of regard for specific individuals of comparatively advanced years.
Majority of the elders in many African communities or countries are revered by their relatives, families and have strong opinions in many family and community issues.
A great number are deemed great sources of wisdom and inspiration.
Some people believe that in Africa, the older you become, the more you are treasured. Old is Gold.
It is not uncommon to be rebuked publicly by an older bystander for not showing proper respect to an elderly manor woman.
Above all, in Africa, back talking to anyone who is much older than you is somewhat of a taboo and frowned at.
Clearly you are quite disengaged with these African communities you referenced above. Touché.
"As a nation, Americans ought to take a look at the way Africans treat their elderly.
Hahaha. Bi oju akata ba ti lewo, se enu adiye ni ka ti gbo? Ancient Yoruba Proverb
With your self-gratification on how excellent we treat our elders in Africa, share with us a few programs in place to protect this group in your country..
Naijaman, congratulations! What can I say? Apparently the ability to "get it" is a luxury that many; especially those with a cynical disposition cannot afford. First, it baffles me that someone as knowledgeable as naijaman still cannot decipher the difference between a social commentary (personal opinion} from a statistics based write-up. Let me reiterate, this piece has nothing to do with social services or other established infrastructure that are currently in place to care for and accommodate the elderly in America. The essence of this essay is about something that may seem insignificant, yet ever so important. It's about the human touch or the lack thereof in some cases. Mind you, people don't always need money, material possessions or security blankets. Sometimes what they want and need is as simple as an act of kindness that transcends rules and regulations. An act that says, YOU MATTER!"
There was no need to repost my article to make your point. A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even tempered-{Proverbs 17 :27.}
Btw, I am beyond chord progressions. I have been booked solid for acoustic performances in many assisted living and nursing homes in my metro area. Would you care to join us?
Have a nice evening.
The reality is that being old in Europe and US is different from being old in Africa. When I first came to Europe I thought to myself "Oh Lord I would not want to get old here…" see how no-one wants to talk to the old, they are neglected and left alone, they long for company… then I started apprciating the fact that they live better lives that we do in Africa, they have better health care, they can be independent for longer, the only thing lacking is "human touch" but that is something only we can teach our own children by living it before its too late.
Why are you in this country if all you do is write bad articles about americans. Before you wrote another article about Americans. Go back to Nigeria if you don't like it here.
Hmmm… interesting.
My parents live in a different state from the one I live in. And they are very old and frail. And a few times they've taken a fall on the streets. And they have always received help from strangers. Always. Maybe it is God's favor.
But my heart goes out to the elderly in the nursing homes. Honestly when I think of them, I feel like crying. Because some of them have just been abandoned by their family. And they don't even get so much as a phone call. I used to volunteer in a nursing home. And I hope I get the opportunity/time to do it again.
Then again…the cynic in me says… you never know how these people lived thier life. Some people have a 'myopic" view of life. Every thing is my, myself and I. So if you live your life that way, you inevitablt reap what you sew.
Still, the elderly deserve respect and dignity.
I think your piece generalized things a bit. In my oppinion this country does not effectively teach their youth to respect people older than them. so you may see disrepect to various authority figures as well as the elderly. Evidence of this is can be seen in some NYC schools.
Anyway, this country is not entirely devoid of any empathy towards the elderly. There is a lot of social services and laws geared towards helping the elderly. And while African countries may show respect towards elders… do we put our money where our mouth is and help the elderly with social services? Yes yes.. .I know elderly people may live with their children. But that is not what I am talking about. For example, what if the elderly prefer to live on their own, are there services to assist with accessbile transport? Medic alert, etc. etc.
America is not perfect. No. But America tries to help the elderly. There will always be good examples to the contrary. But I believe we can find such examples in any country.