Imprudent Heifers

There really isn’t anyway for me to call a woman an “imprudent heifer” and mean it in a nice way, unless of course there is a new meaning to “imprudent” that I do not know about. I chose to use “heifer” because my other choice would have been “bitch”, but since I am not a fan of that word, all hail the “heifer”. Pay attention closely because you might be one of them. I know most people are used to me pointing out all the wrong deeds of the Nigerian man, but let’s face it, we are not saints.

I cannot count how many times I have heard Nigerian men complaining about how Nigerian women have suddenly become “smart” because they have left Nigeria. While some of what they say is only due to their inability to handle a little independence in favor of the woman, the rest of what they say is actually true. In one simple word, most of us (Nigerian women) are extremists. Instead of being assertive, we are either idiotically passive (in Nigeria) or ludicrously aggressive (out of Nigeria). Why does it have to be that way? Have I lost you? Let me explain. In Nigeria, when a man cheats on his wife, what does the wife do? She does nothing; instead, she consoles herself by saying “he’s a man; he will always be a man and act like one.” Out of Nigeria (America, for example), if the man so much as looks at another woman, they are headed for Judge Maybeline Ephraim at the Divorce Court (ok, maybe not Judge Maybeline, but somewhere along that line). Not only will she divorce him, but she will also claim alimony even if the man never gave her a dime throughout the marriage. Unless she decides to marry a non-Nigerian, I hope she knows that finding another Nigerian man to marry her and all her baggage will not be a day’s work. Divorcing one Nigerian man is like divorcing them all, because they will believe that if “Man A” got divorced, then he will likely be taking the sane path; not to mention that in the event of the divorce, he will be loosing half of the house he solely owns.

What about the spinsters? In Nigeria, sex is considered sacred. Something you only do with your husband, or at least with someone you’re indisputably in love with, but once they are out of Nigeria…forget that. Sex becomes something you indulge in once you’re horny. Heck, you do not even have to be horny; just have the craving to be horny and everything else falls into place. In their defense, “men do it, so why shouldn’t we?” Who are these men and what do they mean to you? Let’s just be realistic for a second here and answer this question honestly “who is really loosing? The man or the woman?” If you were honest as I asked, then I know you will have the same answer as I do right now. Of course the woman is loosing. Think about it; what are people’s reactions when you scream out “he slept with thirty women!”? They will probably say something that sounds like “Nna, na him own better oh!” What if you said “she slept with twenty men!” instead? Then you’ll hear something like “I bin know say the girl na proper aseowo!” God has not given us the privilege to know all about anybody’s life, neither has he given us the right to judge, but we are humans and we do it everyday. Just because she has slept with twenty men does not make her a whore, but that is what we think. She may have fallen in love twenty times and been intimate with all twenty of her lovers; she might have been raped, or maybe she just likes sex, but either way, we are not at liberty to judge. If she likes sex just as much as the man next to her, then why does she get called a ‘whore’ and not the man? Let’s face it; there is a double standard and sanity is a personal race. Our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, so keeping it a temple should not be about the man, but about you. A woman’s private part is like a new pair of shoe; every time a different leg steps into it, it changes its shape and no matter what happens, that shoe can and will never be the same.

What about our beautiful ladies (married and married) who have taken it upon themselves to wrong the man before he wrongs them? Again, their reason is that “men do it all the time, so why shouldn’t we?” Why are you cheating on him? He seems to love you earnestly. “Oh, men do it all the time, so why shouldn’t we?” Why are you leading him on when you know you’re really not into him? “Oh! Men do it all the time, so why shouldn’t we?” Why are you dating his money instead of him? “Oh, men do it all the time, so why shouldn’t we?” Why do you want to have his baby just to trap him in the relationship? You know the answer to that one. There is only one word to describe these behaviors “IMPRUDENCE!” That is the only sane reason why someone will deliberately hurt herself and think she’s hurting someone else. You say ‘men’ do it all the time, right? Who are these men? This is a classic case of being penny-wise and pound-foolish. Basically, you cheat on Akin because word on the street is that Mr. Okeke cheated on his wife, but meanwhile Mr. Okeke is off to Paris with his new blonde girlfriend and does not know that Akin is receiving punishments on his behalf, but even if he knows, who the hell cares? That’s Akin’s problem anyway. So think about it: who is really loosing? Akin may be hurt, but he’ll move on and find himself a woman who actually cares for him. You

on the other hand will have no lover, and we all know how scarce soul mates are. There are a whole lot more women than there are men, so good luck finding one.

Ariztos. I cannot help but mention this. Can somebody please help me to understand why a young beautiful woman would be sleeping around with a married man who is old enough to be her father? Being the “other woman” is a degrading position to take, and it will only lead to hurt, heartache and sometimes, even death. Yes, death because a woman scorned (the wife) will do anything to avenge her anguish. I recently met two ladies (whom I would only call beautiful on a freezing day in hell) and when I asked them how they would feel if their husbands (assuming they got married, of course, which I really doubt) were sleeping around with women young enough to be their daughters, they said they did not care. As far as they were concerned, it was a man thing, and whether they (the ladies) slept with married men or not during their youth, their husbands were still going to do it. They were just going to pretend not to know that their husbands were doing it. May that not be my portion in Jesus’ name, Amen! (I hope you said Amen too). What has marriage turned into? It is no longer a sacred union. If any man will marry me and still want to go outside of our matrimony to handle his business, then I beg him to take his proposal elsewhere because the repercussions of his infidelity will be very drastic on his side. Let’s just say some things may or may not be functioning properly after his infidelity; I suggest you think more on the latter side.

What about heifers that are ready to engage in a “girl fight” for the sake of a man? Tell me, if he really cares about you, then why do you need to fight for him? As far as you’re concerned, you’re trying to save your relationship from another heifer who is trying to steal your man. And uhm, where is this man whom you’re fighting for? Oh! That’s him on the couch over there saying “baby, go on with your bad self and show her how it’s done!” Who exactly is he talking to? From where I’m standing, there are two heifers fighting. Take it from me; any man who would make you fight for him (physically, verbally, emotionally or otherwise) is not even worth a second of your time. Why is he making you fight for him? Why can’t he tell the other woman that she has no place in his life? You fight for him and in the process, you humiliate yourself in the presence of people, but when all is said and done, he will leave you for yet another heifer. So then, what did you stand to gain? Nothing! Nada! Zilch! What did you lose then? Nothing but your pride and dignity.

Imprudence is one thing, but being a heifer at that is just a damn shame. I’ve said my piece, but if you want to go ahead and still be an imprudent heifer, then all I’ll say is “you go on with your bad self!”